Email: whydokids@yahoo.com
Explore the underlying causes of why kids don’t listen. Find out how to improve communication and build positive relationships. Gain insight and real life strategies to help your child develop listening skills.
There are quite a few reasons why a child misbehaves. Here is a list of the most common and ways to help.
Solution: Give them attention when they are being good by playing or reading with them more often.
Example 1: Roy looks at me. Then takes my phone and runs away. I ignore him. He puts it back.
Example 2: Alex, Ruth, and Leon are showing me their dancing skills. Leon complains at Ruth for dancing at the same time as him. Alex tells Leon, “You interrupted my dance too.”
Solution: Play I spy, Simon says, sing, find letters or numbers in environmental print.
Example: Roy runs around the room grabbing kids. He is bored and wants someone to play with him.
Solution: Keep a consistent daily and weekly schedule. Tell children before a change happens to give them time to adjust to the change in the schedule.
Example: Emily had a doctor appointment. When she got to childcare late she was upset.
Solution: Tell them, “Only you can control you.”
Example 1: Dora puts her leg out to block Leon’s way through.
Leon whines, “Move.”
Dora ignores him.
Alex says, “You can go around Leon.”
Leon walks around the other side the table to get through.
Example 2: Cole complains that Danny is not putting the toys away.
Solution: Encourage children to ask questions. Do more science activities.
Example: Toddlers are poking at the holes in a bike helmet Irene is wearing. I can let them play with the helmet on the floor or redirect their attention to some toys with holes they can play with.
Solution: Tell them, “You are in control of yourself.” Let them make more decisions about their lives. They can choose what to clothes to wear and what to play with.
Example: For 1 child… “You can choose to play with costumes or the doll house.” For a group of children… “Let’s vote to see which one we will use.”
Solution: Think about what is really making you angry try to solve the problem or tell yourself “It is what is” and accept the situation.
Example: Roxy and a few other children are playing with blocks. Roxy feels like she does not have enough blocks. She gets upset then pushes a nearby paper onto the floor.
Solution: Make sure you have their attention before talking. Practice active listening.
Example: Adult: “Leon wash your hands.”
Ruth: “I already did!”
Adult: “I saw that you washed your hands Ruth. I was talking to Leon.”
Short term solution: Reduce the amount of information coming to your brain. Use time away.
Long term solution: Change what you can, learn to accept what you cannot change.
Example: Leon says, “It’s too loud.” I remind him to walk away from the noise, close his eyes and takes deep breaths. When he comes back he feels calm.
Solution: Play with them. They will learn social rules through experience.
Example: Roy is trying to play fight with Emily. She says, “I don’t like it.” Roy keeps playing too rough. I tell him “She said she doesn’t like it. You can play something else with her or play with someone else.”
Solution: Give them some toys that only belong to them. They do not need to take turns with everything. If anyone else wants to use their toy, they need to ask and respect what the child says. Children are extremely possessive over things that belong to them including toys they are using, their clothes and people in their family. For older kids teach them how to earn what they want.
Example 1: Roy has a truck. Dora asks to use it. Roy says no. Dora plays with something else.
Example 2: Ruth and Roxy are playing a game. Roxy gets up. Roy takes her spot. Roxy comes back and starts screaming at Roy. I ask Roy to move over. She does.
Roxy stops screaming and sits down next to him.
Solution: Model how to calm down. Show them what to do.
Example: Sometimes toddlers are scared of bugs because it is a new experience. Act like it is no big deal and they will start to do the same.
Solution: Take a step back. Put arm in between toddlers.
Example: Ruth and Roxy are sharing a chair.
Roxy starts whining and pushing Ruth away.
Ruth ignores her.
I ask Roxy, “Do you need space?”
She whines.
I ask Ruth to sit in another chair. She does.
Roxy stops whining.
Solution: Try to figure out what they need by watching their body language and asking questions.
Example 1: Emily walks around rubbing her eyes and crying. I have her sit with me. After she naps she wakes up happy.
Example 2: A few children are running around the room chasing each other several times every day. I incorporate more gross motor games into their schedule, purchase climbing equipment, and encourage them to play tag outside.
Solution: Find out what the source of the problem is and help solve it.
Example: Ruth is not thinking clearly. She wants revenge because Roxy knocked over her pile of books. She yells at Roxy. I tell Ruth, “Tell her what you want. It’s not okay to yell.”
Solution: When you give them a task, follow through with a logical consequence if necessary.
Example: Dora leaves her phone on the table. I ask her to put it away. An hour later it is still on the table. I take the phone away.
17) THEY FEEL LIKE THERE IS AN INJUSTICE
Solution: Do what you can to fix the injustice. Explain to the child why things are are happening that way.
Example: Roy’s parents bring fast food for him to eat at childcare. Irene complains because she has to eat healthy food for lunch.
Note: Each child is unique. Toddlers and children with autism may need to bring a toy from home to childcare. If typically developing children complain because they are not allowed to bring toys from home, explain that this is not an injustice. It is something that child needs.
People have a need to feel safe. When people do not feel safe, have unresolved trauma, or are upset they are most likely thinking with the lower part of their brain. This part of the brain helps keep them alive, but it also makes them have more social problems. It makes a person more reactive (they get scared and cry easily), defensive (they say “It’s not my fault” or blame others for their behavior). Remember that a child’s brain changes through every experience they go through.
