Email: whydokids@yahoo.com
Children act basically the same way every day. Observe them to recognize the patterns in their behavior. When they do something odd, you should ask them questions or try to guess what they want.
Adult says: “Problem?”
Roxy stops crying.
Adult: “You want that toy. You can tell her; I want a turn when you’re finished.”
Roxy tells Ruth: “Finished.”
Adult tells Ruth: “She wants a turn. Let’s set a timer so we remember to give her a turn when you are done with it.”
She starts whining.
I ask her “Does your tongue hurt?”
She whines.
I look at her tongue and see a small piece of flexible plastic on it.
I remove the plastic, show it to her, and say “You had this on your tongue.”
I give it to her and tell her to throw it away.
I explained what her problem was so she can fix it herself next time.
Adult: “He’s trying to play with you. You can tell him you don’t like it.”
Emily walks to him and says, “Don’t like it.”
I tell them to get down. They do, then they get back up when I turn my head.
And look at me again. They want to see what my reaction will be.
Aaron grunts and steps backwards.
I tell Emily, “He said no.”
Emily walks away.
Leon comes out to see what is going on.
Dora tells him “I didn’t do anything.”
They continue this behavior for several minutes.
Dora wants to play; she thinks it’s funny.
Let’s see it in action…
Roy tells me: “I’m going to get a drink of water.”
Roy reaches behind his drink to eat some candy that I took away from him a few minutes ago. Since he was misbehaving, I use a logical consequence and throw the rest of the candy away.
Child’s action: grunting or angry expression while looking at someone
What they want: They want someone to stop what they are doing.
Example: A 2 year old has an angry expression on their face while staring at a boy.
Solution: Talk with the toddler to find out what the problem is before it gets worse.
Child’s action: sudden high pitched scream or cry followed by crying
What they want: The child may have gotten hurt. They want help.
Example: I hear a loud cry, followed by less crying. The child starts walking toward me.
Solutions: Comfort the child by giving them a hug. Ask them what happened. Bring them an ice pack or bandage. Teach children to say, “I need help.”
Child’s action: pointing at an object
What they want: They want want something or they are curious about it.
Example 1: A 1 year old points to their cup.
Solution 1: Let them use or look at what they are reaching for. Show them how to get a step stool to reach their things.
Example 2: A 1 year old points to an airplane in the sky.
Solution 2: Give them details about the object. “The airplane is loud. It looks small in the sky, but it big when it is on the ground.”
Child’s action: yelling, whining, or defiance
What they want: They want someone to listen to them.
Example: A 4 year old says, “no” when I ask them to pick up their toys.
Solutions: Tell the child, “I will have to take the toys if you do not take care of them.” Make picking up a game. The 4 year old can race the clock while picking up or they can throw toys into a toybox.
Child’s action: holding their arms up in front of an adult
What they want: They want attention.
Example: I am walking around. Jess stands in front of me, then puts her arms up.
Solutions: Hold the child or sit down and read to them.
Child’s action: A school aged child is constantly talking to an adult.
What they want: They want attention.
Example: A 5 year old follows me around constantly talking about their life.
Solutions: Ask the child to help you do chores. Ask them questions about what they are saying to engage in conversation instead of them talking at you.
Food, Safety, Sleep – When kids do not have these things they do not care about much else.
Good Relationships, Acceptance, Calm – When they have these and the needs listed above met, they are ready to learn, help, and show respect.
