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Learn the best techniques for setting clear expectations, enforcing logical consequences, and encouraging positive behavior in kids.
The first thing you should do is look at the rules…
Are they clear?
Do they make sense?
Are they keeping children safe?
Are there too many to remember?
Do you follow through with a logical consequence every time a rule is broken?
Sometimes children will misbehave on purpose to see what your reaction will be. When this happens, be consistent. When you use different responses for the same situation, children will act out more often to see what rules they always need to follow and which ones they can ignore.
Rules for children should be clear, logical (make sense), and keep children safe. You can add more if it is very important to your family. Logical rules can be self-help skills like brushing your teeth, putting your things away, etc. They can also be things like respecting other people’s property.
Roxy bends a toy spoon.
Adult: “You are breaking the spoon. Spoons are for eating.”
Roxy starts pretending to eat with the spoon instead of bending it.
Roxy is poking at pictures on the computer screen.
Adult: “When you poke at the screen it can break. Look with your eyes.”
Natural and logical consequences work because it teaches children why we have these rules. When children do not understand why they have a certain rule, they will continue to disobey because logical actions speak louder than words.
Rules are not created equally. Some are more important than others. Make sure your child knows safety rules are the most important. Rules should always be in place to keep children safe. Having simple rules that are explained help children listen.
Kids tend to follow rules better when they help make the rules. It is helpful to compromise with school aged children. As kids get older they can earn your trust for less rules. It is important to follow through with what you both agree to and have a logical consequence when rules are broken.
Let’s see it in action…
I tell Dora the water table is for playing with your hands.
Dora uses squirt bottles and water from the water table to get herself and 2 other children soaking wet.
I ask myself, “What is the problem?” I decide that the water is causing the problem. I choose to remove the rest of the water.
A few days later she asks to use the water table again.
I ask her, “Can you use it correctly this time?”
She nods her head up and down.
I tell her, “You can fill it halfway up. I want to make sure you can use it responsibly.”
This time she uses the water correctly.
Next time she will be able to fill the water table to the top again.
Infants do not need consequences. They are learning how to make their bodies move and get attention for their needs. Toddlers are learning about everything around them. They only need a consequence when they use violence, such as hitting. You can tell them, “Keep your hands to yourself” or “Hands to self.” They do need someone to show them how to use the things they are interested in so they do not get hurt. They also start to learn societal rules. Toddlers believe everything they see belongs to them. It takes time to learn that is not true.
Punishments do not work well because most children will listen temporarily then go back to disobeying when you are not looking. As they get older, they will start to question the rules and get into power struggles with you. Even if you win, are you really happy after an argument?
Rewards are okay sometimes. However, they should not be overused. Rewards and punishments are temporary solutions. After they are over, the child will most likely go back to the same behavior they were doing before. Rewards also teach children that they need approval from adults. When kids do not feel like they are making adults happy, it can effect their self-esteem. Punishments and rewards may work for short term. Positive discipline works both long term and short term with less effort. The whole point of positive discipline is to teach children, so they can be productive members of society that can solve problems through communication instead of control.
