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Uncover examples and solutions for common social problems such as tattle telling, lying, and social manipulation. Help transform your community into a safe and respectful place for everyone.
Tattle telling is a way for children to learn what things are socially acceptable. Everyone has their own unique culture, so things that are okay in the child’s home may not be okay at childcare. Older children may tattletale to try to get another other child in trouble. When a child is tattling you can talk to them or ask them, “Is anyone being hurt?” if the answer is “No” tell them “Ignore it.”
Ruth: “He’s chewing with his mouth open!”
Adult: “Is anyone being hurt?”
Ruth is silent.
Adult: “Ignore it.”
Example:
The kids are playing The Floor is Lava.
Everyone has been making mistakes and falling in the lava.
Ruth repeatedly complains, “You fell in the lava! You’re a lava monster.”
Reasons why kids lie…
They want attention
They are trying to figure out what happened and jump to conclusions
They are actually telling the truth, but you do not trust what they are saying
Some kids focus on a problem after it is solved.
Example:
Dora, Leon, Ruth, and Alex are in a running in a line.
Ruth is running slowly so Alex goes in front of her.
Ruth gets upset and walks away from the children.
They ask her “What’s wrong?”
She complains that Alex got in front of her.
All the kids agree that she can get back in her spot.
But Ruth is still complaining that Alex cut in line.
Jumping to conclusions…
Roy cannot find his shoe.
Roy: “My shoe is outside.”
Ruth: “The dog buried it.”
Dora: “It’s right here. Stop lying.”
Ruth is walking.
Leon drives a car in front of her.
She loses her balance and touches his head so she does not fall.
Leon complains that Ruth hit him.
I explain to him what actually happened.
Why does it happen?
A child is not listening to their peers
A child does not stand up for themselves
A child tries to control peers
A group of children want control over a child
Solutions:
Teach children how to play
Teach all children about kids with disabilities
Teach assertiveness
Use discipline instead of punishment
Preschoolers believe everything they hear. Teach them to say, “You can believe what you want. I know the truth.”
Example:
When kids don’t get their way, sometimes they say “Then I’m not playing.”
Ruth and Leon are fighting over a wagon.
I take it from both of them.
Ruth says, “Fine, I’m not playing!” then walks away.
I give the wagon to Leon.
Ruth tells Leon: “You’re not coming to my birthday…What’s your favorite dinosaur?”
Leon: “I like T-Rex.”
Ruth: “Well, I’m having a T-Rex party and you’re not coming.”
Alex overhears the conversation.
He says, “No one cares about your birthday.”
Irene whispers something to Ruth. Ruth says, “Should I tell Roy.”
Irene says “No, he’s not our friend.”
NOTE: Peer pressure is a type of social manipulation. It can be positive or negative. Peer pressure works because school aged kids have a need for approval from their friends.
Alex distracts Roy so Dora and Ruth can steal his toy.
Talking with the children individually about why this behavior is not acceptable should help solve the problem. You can says things like, “How would you feel if that had happened to you.”
Some older kids and adults may use rude comments when children start behaving after not listening. When kids get negative feedback for doing something good, they will misbehave more often.
Example:
An adult tells the children to get their shoes on to go outside.
Dora gets them on fast.
She has been waiting in line for several minutes.
Roy was playing for a while then decides to put his shoes on when everyone else is finished.
When Roy gets in line Dora tells him, “Finally.”
Spanking teaches – It’s okay to hit.
Time out teaches – I can control you.
Time away teaches – You need to calm down in a safe way.
Ignoring teaches – Solve the problem yourself. NOTE: This can be good or bad depending on the situation.
Positive discipline teaches how to solve the problem.
Crying – Crying tells adults that there is a problem. Infants use crying to communicate their needs.
Throwing a tantrum – Toddlers normally throw tantrums because they are not getting what they want.
Using violence – Children may hit, bite, or kick when they are upset or have a need that is not being met.
Communication – Preschoolers may yell or whine when someone is not listening to them.
Repetition – Some children will keep repeating the same action or keep saying the same thing over and over again.
Manipulation – School aged children may say things like, “Do this or your not my friend.”
