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Improve your parenting skills by learning the power of communication. Find practical tips and expert advice on how to communicate effectively with your kids to solve problems and build trusting relationships.
Here are some specific situations where talking with children solved their problem…
Leon wants to build a tent where Ruth is sitting.
Leon looks upset when Ruth does not move.
Alex tells Leon “No, don’t attack.”
Leon says, “I’m not attacking.”
Alex tells him, “You can build by me.”
Leon and Roxy are laying on the floor.
Roxy starts kicking her legs.
Leon: “She’s kicking me!”
Adult: “Move back. Give her space to kick.”
Emily whines: “You’re in my spot.”
Adult: “She’s in your chair?”
Emily: “Yeah”
Adult: “Roxy, can you move to this chair?”
Roxy moves.
Ruth chases Irene saying “No, no.”
Ruth waits a second then says, “Are you going to give it back?”
Irene replies “Yes, when I’m finished.”
Ruth walks away.
Leon complains: “Ruth’s stealing all the plates.”
Ruth replies: “Fine, I’ll give you some.”
Ruth grabs a toy next to Irene.
Irene gets upset.
Adult asks for the toy.
Ruth gives it to the adult.
Adult gives it back to Irene.
Ruth says, “Please!” to ask for the toy.
Irene says, “Not right now.”
Ruth tries to take a large outdoor toy that Dora and Roy are sitting on.
They ignore her.
Ruth gives up.
Leon tries to move a toddler sized outdoor slide that Ruth is sitting on.
Adult: “Ask her for help.”
Ruth starts helping him move the slide.
Irene (age 5) wants the toy Alex (age 4) just picked up.
I tell Alex, “You don’t have to give it to her immediately.”
He says, “We are both leaving soon. I’ll give her a turn.”
Leon is having a conversation with Alex.
Ruth walks up and starts talking.
Leon tells Ruth, “I was still talking.”
Ruth waits until Leon is finished with his conversation.
Ruth and Leon are using play dough.
Leon picks up a tool near Ruth.
Ruth says, “I was using that!”
Leon is confused. He is thinking…How can you use something that is not in your hand?
Short term solution: Set a timer and take turns.
Long term solution: Create a defined space so everyone can see who is using what. You can do this by making a square out of painter’s tape on the table. You can use large mats to make a visible space on the floor.
Roy is going around the room grabbing kids. He wants to play fight.
Alex ignores Roy.
Roy leaves because he is not getting attention from her.
Ruth is angry with Roy.
She pushes him away.
Roy is happy and keeps grabbing her.
Leon is jogging.
He whines, “He’s chasing me.”
Roy follows him roaring.
I tell Leon “When you stop running, he’ll stop chasing you.”
I tell Roy “He wants to be alone.”
Roy and Ruth are on the couch watching TV.
They start play fighting.
Ruth starts to get angry.
Roy keeps play fighting with her.
Ruth says, “Move I need a place to sit!” and jumps on top of him.
Roy continues to calmly kick her away.
Adult: “Ruth said she needs a place to sit. You can sit up or scoot over.”
Roy chooses to move over.
Roy sees a small hole in Alex’s pant leg, then puts his finger in it.
Alex says “No, Roy. Don’t make it any bigger. When it gets bigger my mom throws them away and these are my favorite pants.”
Roy stops.
Irene keeps repeating “I want milk.”
Adult: “I hear you. Let me finish this first.”
Irene waits.
Ruth is standing on a plastic toy.
Alex tells her, “You need to get off the toy so it doesn’t break.”
She does.
Leon: “Can I have that?”
Roxy is holding a cup.
Leon waits patiently while Roxy sits up.
She gives it to Leon.
A group of children are coloring.
Dora: “Does anyone have red?”
Roy replies: “Emily does.”
Dora asks Emily: “Can I have that red please?”
Emily says: “Here you go.”
Alex wants a toy that Irene is using.
He tells her, “I want a turn when you are finished.”
Alex waits.
Irene gives him the toy.
You can set up a mock courtroom for older children to encourage problem solving.
Each child should take turns talking about why they think they should get their way. An adult can be the judge to make the final decision.
Infants start learning how to talk by using gestures. They may point, clap, wave, use sign language, or move their head back and forth to say, “no.” They may make animal or vehicle sounds before learning to combine words. Here are some examples of auditory language for a one year old…
“My borees” = My blueberries
“I fine it!” = I found it!
“A woof” = A dog
“Me hunwe” = I’m hungry
“I wanna flide” = I want to slide
“I wato” = I want water
“I mommy too” = I want my mommy too
“I cackers” = I want crackers
“A hos” = A horse
“A hoppy” = A rabbit
“I wa more tor” = I want more corn
“I fall down my pants” = My shorts fell down
“Aaa…way” = Go away
Intelligible speech… “I nose. My head. Stop.” = He touched my nose and my head. I want him to stop.
PROBLEM + CONTROL = UPSET
PROBLEM + COMMUNICATION (using an assertive voice) = SOLUTION
All children have the capacity to learn. We just need to teach them the correct way to solve problems.
